So, I recently met this guy who is really nice, a great person to talk to, good looking and BIG . When I say big, I mean big in stature i.e. taller than me and isn't a 99lb weakling. My weakness. I have this "thing" about big guys. So, lucky me right? A great guy who likes me as well!! Now, how often does that happen? Attraction by both parties? Lad is very comfortable with himself, and doesn't appear to have any self esteem issues. So, I first meet him on Thursday and we make arrangements to meet up on Friday. Contact details are exchanged, smiles are as wide as wide can be, little flirtatious remarks are swapped etc. The ideal first meeting. So I meet up with him on Friday and that went really, really well. It's amazing how easy it is to get along with some people! Then, as per my luck, disaster struck. What happened? He finds out that I am 31 and I find out that he is 25! WHOA!! I am more than half a decade older than him... he is younger than my younger sister (the baby of the family) who I still call "Smurf" on occasion.

He goes... "you are THIRTY ONE??!!", eyes are big as sauce pans... and I stammer, "you are TWENTY FIVE??!!". Okay... so either he looks terribly old for his age or I look terribly young for mine. But in all honesty, the lad is British and I find it hard to judge a non Asian's age... he probably has the same problem. Needless to say, our second meeting didn't go as I hoped it would... no, we didn't quickly end the meeting but it went on and I had fun, heaps of fun. After finding out that I am infact "old", miraculously, I find out 30 seconds later that he has a girlfriend which doesn't seem to stop him from casual flirting 2 minutes later, after the shock had sinked in I think. We go on to have heaps of fun... despite him having this "girlfriend" and he invites me to meet up with him following day... which I declined. No, bodily fluids were not exchanged... I had fun and made a new friend... 'tis was a little disappointing to find out that he is younger than the Smurf but he is a GREAT guy.

So, that started me thinking... I am willing to bet that if I wasn't 31, he wouldn't have a "girlfriend" and I wouldn't be feeling disappointed. If the roles were reversed, i.e. if he is 31 and I am 25, I would have had a date last night. So, does age really matter? I mean, if two people get along fabulously from the start, age shouldn't really matter right? It is hard enough to meet people with which you get along well with these days... and then when you do, something always happens... maybe it doesn't happen to you but sadly, that seems to be the story of my life *sigh*. My friends are in stitches right now... "cradle snatcher, pedophile" etc were words which I heard after revealing to them my predicament. Now, if the roles were reverse, I would get nothing but encouragement instead of the loud, squeals, at times shrieking, peals of laughter I got. Why these things happen to me I have no idea. One day, perhaps, I will pen down the "Dating Adventures and / or Disasters of PufferGal".

So, does age really matter? As much as I hate to admit it, yes it does. Logically speaking, it shouldn't right? I mean, think about it... it is a scientific fact that women outlive men. So, if a woman doesn't want to be alone late in her life, she should opt for a younger mate right? That decreases the possibility of being "alone" when she is say, 70. But then, look around you... most heterosexual partnerships consist of the older male and a younger female. But then, one could also argue that males, in general mature slower than females, hence, if a female wants a male partner who is on par with her maturity, she should opt for an older male. This is a paradox in itself! Oh, the irony of it all!!

Then, we have the societal factors. Society says that it is the norm for a male to date a much younger female but not the other way around. Why is this? Think about it for a minute... no one would bat an eyelash if a 35 year old male was dating a 25 year old female but if the roles were reversed, the gossip vine would be ablazed in talk. Is this because traditionally, it is the male's role in life to provide for the female, be the bread winner so to speak? Society says that before male gets into a serious relationship i.e. marriage, he should have the means to provide for that female, it doesn't matter if the female is financially sound and well equipped to provide for the family, the male HAS to provide for the female. If he can't, he is deemed as less than a male. This perception is changing these days but unfortunately, it is very much prevalent.

Then there is that dreaded phrase, the "biological clock". Apparently, most females in the world (i.e. every female but me) are worried about their biological clock ticking. For some strange reason, females are under pressure to reproduce. They want children. They have this NEED to be a biological mother. Unfortunately, or otherwise, I don't have this need right now. My mothering instincts, if it is infact built into my genetic code hasn't kicked in yet. At the ripe old age of 31, I have no need to be a mother (or wife for that matter). I can't see myself pregnant or breast feeding etc. If I were to be a mother, I don't know if I want to go through the entire process. I would rather adopt... I mean, look around you today, there are so many unwanted children in the world. I would rather take one or two under my wing than to produce another life in this already over populated world.

Now, most males are aware of this ticking "clock" and if they aren't in a place where they want to commit to a serious relationship, they tend to stay away from women in my age group. They are under the misconception that if there were to engage in a relationship with a female who is say, between the ages of 25 - 35, they will be under pressure to "get married and reproduce". At different ages, people have different wants and needs.

I have this 42 year old, successful guy interested in me. Whilst he is a pleasant (although annoying at times) kind of person, I am in no way attracted to him. One reason is his age. He is FORTY TWO!! From where I am standing, that is OLD!! Now, you have to bear in mind that I recently turned 31 and I am still trying to come to terms with is... so, 42 is old. He is a whole decade and more older than me. And whilst he is sweet and tries to buy my affection (offers for my PhD, apartment and then a house etc), I am so not interested. Some girls I know would jump at the chance of a free apartment but for the life of me, I am not even tempted in the least, not even for a nanosecond. Sure, he is annoying and gets under my skin at times, he is so, SO not my type. Even if he were my type, I would think twice. Why? Well, the age thingie... I can't see myself going out with someone who is that much older than me. He is in a place whereby he NEEDS to settle down and fast. Me, on the other hand, whilst it would be nice to have a serious relationship, I have no desire to commit to a marriage type relationship right now, at least not for the next few years at the very minimum. Then, I still love my adventure holidays... he loves to vege infront of the television and do relaxing things. Different interests, wants and needs. He is in a different place than me.

So, does age really matter? I am trying to dissect the reasons why I feel iffy about dating a younger guy. Maybe it's because I am in a different place than him. Sure, I don't want to get married, well, not right now (stranger things have been known to happen) but I would like to date someone with whom I can feel that there is a possibility of having a long term relationship with.... I firmly believe that everyone, be it males or females should go "sow their oats" before committing into a serious relationship. If one doesn't experiment with various partners, one doesn't know what one wants in a serious relationship. Those high school sweetheart stories you hear about... trust me, they don't work out. Why? Well, if you only ever had one relationship in your lifetime, at one point or another, you'd wonder what you are missing out on. This is human nature I think. As for this 25 year old, I don't think that he has had a chance to fully explore life yet. I know that when I was 25, I was still in my "exploration stage" . People shouldn't get married in their 20's I reckon. They need to find out what they want and need first before jumping in.

Because society stays that one needs to get married by a certain age blah, blah, blah, people are pressured into marriage which turns out to be a mistake. I do believe that the divorce rate is now 1 in 3. I know of this couple who got divorced after just 9 months of marriage. They were dating for about 3 or 4 years and were pressured into marriage by their parents. They were in their mid 20s. This is only one example. I can tell you heaps more but that will be another story.

In the past, life expectancy wasn't as high as it is today... thus there was this NEED for the human population to enter relationships earlier. Trends are changing now. At one stage, life expectancy was as low as 25... and it has been increasing due to advances in medical technology. As the basic nature of life is to reproduce, hence ensuring survival of the species, people were pressured early into reproducing and society says that in order to produce, you HAVE to be in a committed relationship first, so as you can't get out of your responsibilities are a parent, a trap of sorts . Anyways, as human life expectancy is around 70 - 90 (depending on where you are), getting married as such a young age doesn't really make much sense now does it? For me, I can't imagine getting married at 20, not knowing what there is out there, and being stuck with one partner for 50 years!! How scary is that? I, for one would like to know more about life and what is available about there before committing. I mean, when you buy a car, you test drive various models first before settling with one right?

Then of course, there is the biological aspect of it. This one is a serious defect in the female genetic code I tell you. Women start menopause (or drying up) at around the 50 year old mark. Sure, some cheat this phase in their life with chemicals, treatments etc but the fact remains, females do tend to "dry up"... literally at the age of 50. When I say drying up, (gawd, this is a rude phrase but I can't think of another one), I mean it literally. Aside from the reproductive organs, the outer appearance starts deteriorating as well e.g. its ever so much easier to get wrinkles, saggy skin etc. Men on the other hand don't have this problem. Some say that men hit their prime only after the age of 50. So, I wouldn't like to be in a relationship with someone who hasn't hit his prime yet when I start menopausing. This reason is shallow I know as not all relationships are based on physical attraction but it is very much real. Look around you... the number of older men going out with younger women, and discarding their older mate. Whilst women go through menopause, men go through a mid life crisis... they NEED to feel younger and "virile" and one way of doing so is getting themselves a younger mate, and buying a poshy looking car .

I don't know if I am going through my own midlife crisis right now but I do know that I am starting to find it harder and harder to keep up with my dive buddy, this good friend of mine who is 5 years younger than me. We met on an island a few years ago and have become great friends. When we met, physically, we were on par, now when we go out on trips, I find it harder to keep up with her. Now, I am fitter than the average Malaysian female but I can feel myself slowing down. Despite going to the gym 4 times a week, when I go on my trips with my buddy, I find that I am not as sure footed as I once was... or as daring for that matter (this is a maturity thing... I used to do stupid stuff before, now I have a healthy respect for life ). Strength wise, I can beat her hands down (I love my weights ) but when it comes to aerobic and balance stuff, whilst we used to be evenly matched, it is not the case anymore. She is the mountain goat and I am the elephant. Physically i.e. height, weight etc we are the same. Maybe this is an age factor. It could be a psychological thing i.e. people are EXPECTED to slow down after hitting a certain age. I don't really know. This is a self esteem issue. I don't want to be in a relationship with a person who is still in his prime when I am "slowing down" (ARGH).

[6 hours after I started writing this story]

OK... I am definitely going though a midlife crisis. When I started writing this story, I had four pierced holes in my ears. Now, I have 7 and THE ONLY reason why my belly isn't pierced is because one can't do sit ups for at least 2 weeks, the recovery period. This I simply cannot do. I also just got off the phone with a good friend of mine who, apart from insinuating that I am mad, said that age shouldn't really matter.

You have people who are "against" some races, the racists, "against" females, the chauvinists.. so am I am "agist"?? Does age really matter?

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