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Well, had my last four ciggies today and I didn't savour them *sigh*. Woke up early for some absurd reason and began fooling around with the computer. As per my normal routine, I made my coffee and turned on my computer. Being infront of the computer, coffee at hand and ciggies has been my normal routine for the past 10+ years of my life. I KNEW I had four ciggies left but I didn't know that I finished them when I killed my last ciggie. You can imagine my shock when I reached for another one and there wasn't any left in the box!! Grrrr... what a way to start the day. Then, to take my mind off things, I went to brush my teeth, take a shower and then slap on a patch, from the stash I got earlier from Sydney. For some strange reason, nicotine aids are HEAPS cheaper in Australia than they are here!! Got myself a few boxes when I was there a few weeks ago. Didn't really feel anything i.e. no withdrawal symptoms. Went out during the day... now, driving whilst smoking is one of my favourite things to do, wind in hair, music blasting... oooh the joy of it all!! Felt strange driving without a ciggie... If found my hand assuming the cigarette position a few times. Felt like an idiot. Irritability is the name of the game now. I haven't told anyone that I quit smoking, don't know why I didn't but no one knows. They think that I am in a bad mood b'cos of the flu which is racking through my body *sigh*. When you can't get something, you pine for it... I simply can NOT stop thinking about having a ciggie. At one stage, I almost started smoking the ciggie butts I still had in my ash tray. Threw them out and washed the ash trays though... felt like one of those drug dealers you see on telly, going through garbage bins. NOT a good thing to happen. My ashtray is now my incense burner. Somehow I managed to make it through the day... and let me tell you that this was one of the longest days of my life. Told my significant other that I had quit smoking when he came by after work that day. I had to tell him... poor thing was taking the grunt of my bad mood. He didn't stay over that day... a smart thing to do I think. I would have ripped him to shreds, literally. Told him that if he had a stick of Cartier Menthol Lights (my ex-brand of cigarettes), I would give him my body and soul, AND marry him... I couldn't not believe how much I wanted one... just for the taste, the feel of a cigarette in my hand and mouth!!
Day 2 :: Wednesday, 1 October 2003
Oh I curse the person who invented cigarettes!! GRRRRR!!! Somehow, I didn't have a good sleep last night. And yes, before you are wondering, I did take off the patch just before my head hit the pillow (wanted to have the patch on for as long as possible). I woke up with a sore jaw... must have been grinding my teeth last night, my teeth felt "tender". If this continues, I will be a toothless non smoker
. Woke up to find a text message on my phone from the boyfriend (BF) telling me that he is proud of me for giving up ciggies and making it this far. 'Twas nice to have some support.
So, according to the material which I have read, one is considered a nicotine addict if one reaches for a ciggie within the first 15 minutes of waking up. Being the pig headed person that I am, I decided to put this to the test... after all, this is the FIRST day that I am waking up to no cigarettes.
So, I go make my coffee, boot ye ole computer up and start my morning ritual. As if my left hand had a life of its own, it automatically started reaching for a cigarette box that WASN'T there!! Grrrr... I would be reading my emails and my left hand would start groping around on my table. ARRRGGGHH!! Then, the longer I sat, the more irritated I became. I lasted a whole 15 minutes at my desk. I'll tell you one thing... coffee and ciggies go VERY well together. So, according to the good people at nicorette, I am supposed to put on a patch AS SOON AS I GET UP and slap it on to an area of skin which is clean, dry and hairless. Hairless isn't a problem I can assure you, have a large surface area of hairless skin , but clean and dry? Well, as any lady above the age of 25 would tell you, slathering on the body lotion before one goes to bed at night is a must... so into the shower I have to go before putting on the patch. We do NOT want the patch falling off accidentally during the day now do we?? So off to the shower I go... but first, we have to brush the teeth (don't think I lasted the recommended 2 minutes by Oral B), stick the contact lenses in and then had the fastest shower I'd ever had in my life!!
Back into my bedroom... facial moisturiser
needed to come on before the patch.
Why? Well, again as per the good
people who wrote the manual at nicorette
said "be sure to handle the patch
carefully as nicotine on the sticky
side could come off on your hands.
This can cause stinging and redness
if it gets near your eyes or nose".
I could not rip the child proof
pouch fast enough... you need a
pair of scissors for this by the
way.
I do not remember a single time
when I had been without a cigarette
for more than 24 hours. Even when
I was admitted into the hospital,
I snuck out to have one / more.
Making the 24 hour mark without
a single ciggie is a big time landmark
occasion for me... BIG TIME!! YIPPEE!!!
However, there were still moments
of weakness during the day I can
tell you.
Now, I was brought up on ciggies... my dad used to work for a tobacco company and was VERY proud of the fact that whenever he appeared in the media, he ALWAYS had a ciggie in hand. Our house smells like ciggies... I like the smell of ciggies. So, my room is starting to NOT smell like an ashtray and I miss the smell of ciggies... and the TASTE of tobacco!! Grrrr. One of the things which I started doing is smelling a lit ciggie. I find that on occasion, when I really, REALLY want a ciggie... smelling someone else's lit cigarette helps... in this case, ye ole boyfriend's. When he would have one (blowing the smoke out of my window), I would sit next to him, hold the ciggie and just breathe in the smoke... bad I know but crikes!! It smells OH SO GOOD!! Almost caved in and nearly took a puff but at the very last nanosecond, threw it out the window and felt heaps better after .
Day 3 :: Thursday, 2 October 2003
Today was the first day I left the house since I quit smoking... I had a conference to go to, and the venue was fairly far away. I thought I was doing OK... I mean, irritability was somewhat under control etc. Then, on the way to the conference, this idiot in a small Kelisa (Malaysian made car) cut infront of me with no indication or warning. I had to slam on the brakes in order to not hit him. Needless to say, I exemplified the term "road rage" i.e. I honked till I could honk no more. Now, I don't know whether it was his driving skills or lack off that irritated me or the fact that he was smoking a cigarette that got me all riled up. Then, at the conference, I knew a fair few people... we had met up on previous occasions. I suddenly discovered that by quitting smoking, I had a social problem. In previous meetings, these people and myself would be segregated i.e. the smokers and the non smokers. I know the smokers fairly well as during breaks we'd all go outside to have a puff or three. Now came my problem, during the breaks in the conference... I would stick to the smokers i.e. we have a lot to talk about... I would go outside with them only to find myself sooooo tempted to have a puff that I had to come back in to be with the non smokers, whom I didn't feel as comfortable with. Some of the smokers were of course very supportive of what I was doing but there were others who would laugh and said that life is too short blah blah blah... stuff that I used to say. As I am now a non smoker, does that mean I have to find new friends? I realised today that all my good friends are smokers. Every single one of them. Now, I haven't met up with them yet as I am not in a good mood. When we go out to say, dinner... before, because everyone smokes we'd sit in the smoking section. Now, I don't know what will happen. I do know that it is HORRIBLE for a smoker to sit for extended periods of time without having a ciggie and our dinners can go on for hours. So, will I have to be the one to give in and sit in the non smoking section? I wonder if I will be strong enough to do it without caving in. Also told a good friend of mine that I had quit... HE thought that it was a joke. Received a text message from him going "We are Cartier. Resistance is futile". Joy!! Most people think that me quitting is a joke. Why? I USED to be the heaviest smoker amongst my group of friends. Still, after he realised that I am serious... he is supportive. I do think that when people reach my age, they start thinking about quitting. Another friend of mine who works closely with a tobacco company told me that tobacco companies target those under the age of 35. Why? Well, once people start hitting their 30s, if they don't smoke, they won't start. If they do smoke, this is the time they start thinking of quitting. Finally told mum that I had quit smoking. She was VERY excited and banned my dad from smoking in the house. She also told the BF that smoking is no longer permitted in my room and that if he wanted a ciggie, he'd have to go out into the balcony. As I can't stop eating, I bought some appetite suppressants... one of those meal replacement ones, the kind you take as a milk shake. Also bought my protein supplements. Am planning on starting my gym training again on Monday... after all, I do have a race to run shortly and I have NOT been training and am out of shape.
Day 4 :: Friday, 3 October 2003
Made it this far but gawd, the side effects of being of the patch are starting to show:
.
He stayed over for the first time since I quit . He must have deemed me "safe" . Also told me that he was proud of me and that really meant a lot .
Day 5 :: Saturday, 4 October 2003
Geez... felt sick for most of today. Went around looking for apartments as BF wants to buy one. Couldn't go very far as I started feeling REAL nauseous in the car. Rashes on my chest as well. Headaches. NOT good. I am starting to think that my body is rejecting the patches I am using. Went out for dinner with another couple... all of whom smoke but are lovely people. It was strange sitting down at the dinner table with everyone smoking and me, not but I didn't. Have to admit that when they were having their "after dinner tobacco", I desperately wanted one. Instead, I chose to order dessert. Oh, I am now eating like there is no tomorrow. Another thing that I have noticed, my hair is starting to fall at a remarkable rate. I believe the word that the BF used was "molting", like crustaceans. Lovely. I will be a toothless, fat and now BALD non smoker. Is this all worth while?
Day 6 :: Sunday, 5 October 2003
I did think that my irritableness was under control. I was wrong. Took it out on some sales people at the show apartments we went too. Found myself grinding my teeth the whole day, something which I thought was under control. Also woke up to realise that I am now constipated... grrr... didn't realise this before. In order to combat my car sickness, I opted to drive today. I didn't get car sick whilst I was driving but the BF took over as I started to get a headache sometime during the day. That's when the car sickness all came back. So, on day 6, I:
.
My brother recently got a new car... I asked him today if I could borrow it for the day... he said in a good hearted manner... "only when you get back to normal". NORMAL?? Haven't I been acting normal since I quit smoking?? HUMPH HUMPH HUMPH!!
Noticed that mum stopped asking me how long it's been since I quit smoking. Like her, I used to count the hours. Noticed that I stopped counting the hours as well.
Day 7 :: Monday, 6 October 2003
Oooohhh BIG TIME lack of will power today. I woke up this morning and made my usual coffee. This time, I added the appetite suppressants and some protein powder and it tasted AWFUL. Couldn't help it. Saw the BF's pack of ciggies next to me and reached for one. One of the things I used to enjoy so much when I was smoking is that a ciggie kills the bad taste one has in one's mouth. Without even thinking, I was puffing away but I didn't inhale as much. Another lack of will power... "stole" a ciggie from his box as well and had it after he left for work *sigh*. Feel like the weakest idiot under the sun and am not proud of myself. Confessed to the BF as well... couldn't take the guilt. But in my defence, I didn't really inhale... just held the smoke in my mouth for a while. Spent the rest of the day wrecked with guilt and the immense desire to go out and get meself a pack of Cartier. Bad, BAD, BAD PufferGal!! On to Week Two
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