You know, I don't have many regrets in my life... but my main regret right now is my decision to start smoking when I was a wee 15 or 16 year old lass!! Why? Well, right now, I MISS having a ciggie!! Grrr... but I made the decision to quit and I am now a non smoker... well, for the past 6 days anyways, 151 hours to be exact and trust me when I say that it has been a VERY, VERY long 6 days!! I read somewhere that nicotine addiction is worse than heroine addiction and right now, I tend to believe that it is true. It is taking all my will power to NOT go out to get a box of smokes!! Yes, yes, yes, I am on the patches and believe me when I say that they have been a life saver. I don't think that I would have made it this far without the patches and for those of you who aren't regular smokers, don't pish posh at this... it is an addiction and it is a very strong one. Even with the patches, I find myself irritable, unable to concentrate and I am grinding my teeth a whole lot, during the day and nights!! Oh, I also find myself eating like there is no tomorrow *sigh* but I said that I will quit and quit I will. Gawd have mercy on anyone who irritates me right now!!

So, why did I quit? Well, right now, I am having trouble remembering but here goes:
1. at the ripe old age of 31, I am starting to feel the effects i.e. shortness of breath especially when I am working out, tightness of the chest, shallow skin issues etc. I am participating in a race and I need to be in tip top condition as most of the contestants are fairly fit and younger than me *sigh*. I NEED to be fit for this race!!
2. I noticed that I was a really, REALLY heavy smoker... it used to be about a pack a day and then one day, I woke up and discovered that it was more than that!!
3. As I work from home, I smoke a lot in my bedroom, where my computer is set up... my room STANK!! Those air cleaner machines do NOT help. My clothes, curtains, bed sheets ... everything STANK of stale smoke (which right now, smell oh, so VERY good!!)
4. A by product of burning cigarettes is smoke which contains dust... my room is VERY dusty.
5. I HATE being dependant on anything. If I didn't have a least a pack of unopened ciggies within easy access, I would feel VERY uneasy. This feeling grew to stage where I NEEDED at least 3 packs of unopened ciggies about me.
6. Cost of feeding my addiction.
7. When I look into my waste basket and see all the butts, ash and empty boxes... well, I hate thinking of what I am doing to the environment.
8. The feeling of uneasiness I get when I go into a non smoking environment e.g. cinemas, planes, airports (did you know that the Sydney airport is a 100% smoke free environment?? They don't even have a smoking room!! This I found out the hard way!!), getting irritated at long meetings if smoking isn't permitted etc.
9. Health issues... you know, the stuff that they advertise e.g. cancer, reduced fertility etc. I have to admit that I am still not at that stage where I am worried about stuff like this, not yet anyways.

So, I quit smoking at 9am, Tuesday, 30 September 2003. Most people would tell you that if you want to quit smoking, pick a good day, plan for it, be prepared etc. Well, on that day, I was down with the flu in a bad way... we are talking about massive coughing, fever, blocked sinuses, body aches and that horrible taste and smell you get in your mouth... like something the cat dragged in. I had PMS and work was piling up like you wouldn't believe. So why that day? Well, my stash of ciggies was running out... I had a few cartons obtained from duty free and I vowed that once they ran out, I wouldn't buy another pack. It so happened that that was the day. NOT GOOD but being the pig headed person that I am, well, I stuck to it. I had my last four ciggies with my coffee that morning and then slapped on a 15mg nicorette patch.

On to the diary...
Week One

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