So, Hari Raya is upon us once again. For those of you who don't know, Hari Raya literally means "celebration day"... in Malaysia, the term "Hari Raya" is commonly used to describe the Muslim New Year, that wondrous day when Ramadan (the fasting period) is over for the Muslims and all Muslims go back to being somewhat normal i.e. they can drink, smoke, eat, curse etc during the day.

This story isn't about Hari Raya but a TV advertisement that Perodua (a local car manufacturer) showcases during the Hari Raya period... FYI, they have been showcasing it for two years now. As in general, I don't watch local TV programming, I only saw it once last year and thought that I could have been mistaken... but NOOOOOOOOOO, I saw it again a few times this year and I HAVE to write about it... before I explode!

OK... so here is the scenario. First scene, a middle aged, rather tired, resigned looking mum working in a small kampung (village) hut with her two kids, preparing some nasi lemak (coconut rice) to sell. Unfortunately, it starts to rain heavily (well, Hari Raya always falls during the monsoon season), so sales aren't too great. Then, mum dresses her kids up in what I presume to be their best traditional clothes and sends them on a bus journey. The kids, both young males, end up in front of this huge, majestic bungalow in the city. Rather apprehensively, they ring the door bell and this young, fully made up, dressed to the hilt woman opens the door. She doesn't say anything but looks down and stares at the kids. Shortly after she opens the door, her husband emerges behind her. The woman then clings protectively to her husband's arm. The kids then wishes the husband, their father "Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin"... literally translated, this means, safe celebration day and to ask for forgiveness. Upon hearing this greeting, the husband then pulls away from his young, possessive wife and kneels down to hugs the kids (both very young... no more than 12 years old). Then a shot of the middle aged mum is shown. She is alone, sad but somewhat "comforted"... go figure. End of ad.

Now, let's dissect the meaning of this advertisement shall we?

From the husband / father standpoint:

• It is socially accepted (and the norm) that Muslim males can have more than one wife (as dictated by the Quran) and when acquiring the 2nd one (almost always younger than the first), hey... you don't have to worry about excess baggage... if you have kids, just leave them with the first wife. You don't want her to feel at all "lonely" do you? [side bar: I don't know how true this is but someone told me once that the reason why the Quran says that males can have more than one wife was that in ancient times, many males were killed, either because of religious wars or disease. Anyways, there was a large number of widowed women and Allah didn't want them to grow old alone. Thus, as there were more females than males, Allah decreed that it is acceptable for males to have more than one wife.]
• You don't have to worry about giving the first wife a lot of money... you can keep the money and lavish your new wife with it. You can buy her a spanking brand new house, nice cars, heaps of makeup (the 2nd wife had on massive amounts of it), jewelry etc. Remember, the 1st wife was stuck in a kampung hut and had to sell nasi lemak in order to make a living... I wonder what kind of child support and alimony she was getting... if any!! FYI, a pack of nasi lemak goes for about RM 0.50 to RM 1.00 (RM 1 = USD 0.26)
• Regardless of what you do, your children should always come back to you and ask for "forgiveness", despite the arsholic nature of your ways.
• You don't have to worry about the first wife, as it is "her place" to remain in the background, bringing the kids up and she shouldn't feel any ill will towards you as she should send your kids to you, like a good mum should do, every Hari Raya.
• It doesn't matter that I am the one with the nice new cars... it is the children's duty to come visit ME... irrespective of the journey they have to make.

From the first wife's / mum view:
I don't know if they are divorced or still married... regardless, she was still cast aside [sidebar: did you know that in order for a Muslim male to get a divorce, all he has to do is repeat "I want a divorce" 3 times?? Of course, this doesn't apply to the females. And in recent times, there was this court case about this male divorcing his wife via SMS!! I don't think that the Syriah courts (Muslim court) allowed it though.]

• as a first wife, expect to be cast aside and don't count on your husband giving you child support or alimony... enough to live off.
• accept the fact that you will indeed have a hard life and you will single handedly bring the kids up on your own.
• it isn't your right to chuck a spastic fit at your husband's other wife... so what if she is younger, has more tangible objects, live in a nice house etc. Just accept that and make sure you send the kids over during Hari Raya to ask for forgiveness.
• I am not sure if this is still prevalent today but as with most other religions, divorce is still taboo and divorced people, particularly women are shunned upon. Note: she didn't have anyone else with her when she sent the kids off on their journey, despite the fact that it was supposed to be the festive season, where all family members come together.
• make sure you bring your kids up right as they have to grow up to be outstanding citizens and make sure that they dutifully visit their dad every Hari Raya and politely ask for forgiveness... it is the right thing to do.

From the children's viewpoint:
Note: both children were MALE, no females. Would have been nice to see one male and one female kid. Perhaps, this is a message to the male of the species.

• if daddy can have another wife, so can I!!
• the love that I have for daddy should be unconditional... so what if he treats mummy like dirt, I should forgive him regardless and I should expect the same from my own children.
• I don't have to worry about my future first wife... society says that it is OK for me to not help out financially if / when I take on a 2nd or perhaps even 4th wife.
• I shouldn't feel upset that daddy is living in a nice big house and we are living in a kampung hut.
• it is my duty as a child to forgive my parents regardless of their wrong doings.
• I don't have to ask for forgiveness from the other wives... Note: the kids didn't greet the first wife in the advertisement. I don't have to accept them, however, I will have to accept the fact that they won't like me... the stereotypical stepmum syndrome.

From the 2nd wife's perspective:

• it's better to be number 2 or 3 or 4, but definitely NOT 1... look at what happened to "her"
• I can get all the things I want e.g. nice house, car, makeup, money, nice clothes etc
• I don't have to treat his children with love and respect and I'll still get everything I want.
• I have to be "polite" and accept the fact that during Hari Raya, they (the kids) will come over for a visit... I don't have to like it but I have to accept it. All I have to do is to make sure that I don't physically abuse them... after all, what can they do? I control the man and his bank account, they have nothing... so just put up and shut up for one day out of a year.
• I have to make sure that the 1st wife doesn't get anything for it is my right as his wife to get whatever I can get. His kids? Well, they aren't my problem... they are HERS. I should NOT open my mouth and suggest that he gives her money to help with their upkeep... after all, if I do so, there will be less for me!!

I had an online discussion about this ad with a good friend of mine, a Muslim girl. Here is an except of that discussion... she has a different view of the advertisement. FYI, she was referring to the fact that she had to go visit her dad during Hari Raya.

"Puffergal says:but didn't you watch that perodua ad? you are supposed to forgive and forget or something like that... stupid ad that one I think
* says:yeah, he sed arent you gonna salam aunty? & i sed no.
* says: my dad: but she's the mistress of the house. me: so? my dad: and she's my wife, you should show some respect for that. me: yeah, we're ur kids & that came 1st
* says: HEY!! i find that ad really meaningful...its so sad these days but broken families are the norm
Puffergal says:it's meaningful but what on earth does it say about m'sians? if you are a woman, it's better if you were the 2nd wife? if you are the kids, expect that your father will marry someone else and live in a bigger and nicer house than what you are living in? if you are a husband, you can get another wife and don't have to worry too much financially about your kids? your kids will forgive you regardless of what you do etc...
* says: that just about sums it up in the malay community, yes
* says: but i took the ad as the dad askin his sons for forgiveness at the same time as them askin him for his
* says: the way he pulled away from his young possessive bitch of a wife ...
* says: to hug them
* says: it brought tears to my eyes cos my dad wouldnt swallow his pride like tat
Puffergal says: hmmmm that is one way of looking at it"

I think that it is really sad that broken homes are considered the norm in the Malaysian society these days. It is really ridiculous! I mean, what ever happened to that "love, commitment and forever after" thingie? It is a really sad day when advertising companies today decide that it is acceptable to personify a broken home in a nation wide advertisement. That is what is happening here dear readers... sad but true. It is OK for Muslim males to discard their first wives and children... and the government wonders why the crime rate is as high as it is and the educational level amongst Muslims is as low as it is!!

However, my friend does have a point... Muslim males are a rather proud bunch... perhaps the point of the advertisement is to tell them, "hey, swallow your pride won't ya? You have everything and more... just suck it up already!!".

I don't know what the reasoning of the advertisement is but I do know that it is indeed a sad day when broken homes are such the norm that one can advertise it on telly. To a foreigner viewing this ad, what on earth does it say about our country's ethics? It's no wonder Malaysia is still a third world country and many developed countries think of us as barbarians... and why not? The concept of a nuclear family is still the fabric of many a society... what does this say about Malaysians? There are many studies conducted about the effects of broken homes on children... it affects their physical as well as mental well being. I read somewhere that a majority of prisoners in American jails come from dysfunctional families of one form or another... it is a fact that children who come from happy homes are the ones that have a better chance at LIFE e.g. better students etc. Is Malaysia breeding a bunch of potential criminals by accepting the concept of a broken home as the norm??

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