Enjoy.
"A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered. Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK...
Beer:
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella:
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda:
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
Water:
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't, unless ....
Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask):
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has
absolutely no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
Cape Velvet:
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.):
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and
naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait...
IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)
Cider:
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer:
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.
Premium Local Beer:
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer:
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness:
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water:
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he
can still get laid.
Wine:
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help
him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy:
Extremely horny hound, would sh@g a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
Port:
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky:
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in
his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels:
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities
(knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid
Rum or Tequila:
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change,
or you will be laid."
