Now, naturally, I am honoured that the invitations were issued but I am so NOT looking forward to the festivities. I don't understand the human (or is it CHINESE) need to invite the entire clan to one's wedding. I mean, weddings are a cause for celebration, to celebrate the uniting of two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. One would expect that in order to celebrate this union, one would want people that they are close to, to celebrate with them, not virtual strangers. Why is this so? Then something one of my aunts said way back when I hit the "marrying age" hit me.
Well, aside from the family obligation to invite every single soul that has a genetic resemblance to the happy couple, profit is another reason. Now, bear in mind that this aunt of mine is typically Chinese i.e. thinks that money makes the world go round. Needless to say, we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and loud words are exchanged at almost every meeting. Anyways, she said that I should get married soon (this was when I was 25 by the way) as if I get older, my market worth would drop!! No kidding. Nope, this isn't out of some horrible b-grade movie or a bad novel. She actually said that to me. You see, even in today's modern times, there is this thing as a dowry i.e. money exchanged for the acceptance of one's offspring into another family. Apparently, according to my aunt, my value is quite high as I am not ugly but it dropped slightly as I am highly educated (Apparently, not many men would like to tie the bond with someone of my educational level). Then, as each year passes, the value drops further. FYI, I clarified this with my parents i.e. do they expect a dowry... and they, gawd bless their souls said that they do not. I think, at this stage, they would be willing to PAY someone to marry me 
. Anyways, this aunt also told me that a family with my standing could expect a certain monetary amount for each table at the wedding. We all know that I am culturally handicapped, thus, I asked her to elaborate.
Now, it is the Chinese practice to give money as wedding gifts. None of that wedding registry stuff, no gifts of meaningful value but cold hard cash, in the form of "ang pows", little red envelopes if you will. Thus, the more tables you have filled, the more people you have, the more money you get. Isn't it great how the Chinese can turn a celebration into a profit? According to this aunt of mine, a wedding isn't successful unless there is profit to be made. an, a profit of at least RM30,000 or US7894 is to be expected of a wedding in our family. This value is calculated based on the family's social standing, projected costs for the wedding celebrations, family's friend's social standing etc. So how much is the gift supposed to be? Well, that in itself is another formula of sorts. You see, the more classy the restaurant, the more money is expected for each individual. In going to a Chinese wedding dinner, you are in actuality, paying for your own dinner at a higher cost than what the marrying couple paid. Nice huh?
A Chinese wedding dinner is one of the longest in the world I think. There are usually 8 - 10 courses and each dish comes out individually... so, if you give each dish, say 30 minutes to be served, consumed and then cleared away, the dinner would take approximately 4 - 5 hours. Now, bear in mind that this is just the time for the food and not the mandatory speeches. A Chinese wedding dinner can take more than 6 hours not factoring the time it takes for the guests to be seated. How's that for B O R I N G!! For these weddings, I would be seated at a table with my parents and my brother who I see every day... thus wouldn't have much to talk about. There will be 6 other people, gawd knows who they are and as with the law of averages, we won't have much in common. We will just sit there, not saying much and smiling politely to one another... until the alcohol starts flowing of course. I have noticed that at gatherings such as this, it is only the male, head of the household who drinks the alcohol... and as per tradition, they consume much more than they can hold. There are a LOT of drunken male head of households as social occasions such as this. Come on... free flow... what male can resist right? As the evening progresses, they get totally plastered and have to be carried out by their wives or their off spring. Not a very pleasant sight. It's as if the male head has to claim their dominance over each other by trying to out drink one another.
Alcohol flows like water at Chinese weddings and we are talking about the good stuff. Another cousin of mine works in Singapore but commutes back to Malaysia regularly for work. The lad cannot be accused of not being organised. Anyways, in preparation for his wedding, he started buying duty free alcohol on each trip and is currently hoarding a mother load of alcohol. He travels to and fro at least twice a month and has been doing this for the past 2 years. This illustrates how much alcohol is required for a Chinese wedding dinner.
Aside from the hassle getting dressed up in one's finery (of which black shouldn't be worn as it's a sign of bad luck and poses as a massive problem for me as my 80% of my wardrobe consists of black clothes) one has to try to get there at the appropriate time. Now, if the invitation says that dinner is to start at 1900, in reality, people won't start turning up till at least 1945. This is a given. Then, depending on the number of guests, the food will start coming out at around 2045. These two weddings of which my attendance is expected it to take place in different states... the "14th" one is approximately 1.5 hours drive away (if my dad is driving and there is light traffic, 45 minutes if my brother drives) and the other one, is way up north... a 6 hour drive AT LEAST and not all of that on our new fabulous north south highway.
Now, Chinese wedding dinners are boring enough but with other relatives, it's enough to make one want to tear their hair out in frustration. Another thing that I am dreading is the fact that some of my relatives are going to be on my case (and worse yet), my parent's case on why I am still single, unmarried and have no desire right now to procreate. I have noticed that the pressure is increasing with each passing year. I don't know why but people in general tend to give my parents this pitying look when they learn that they, my parents still have no grandchildren and an unmarried 30 year old daughter. I don't see why it's of anyone's concern. Needless to say, my parents and I will get the "how come she isn't married. She isn't ugly. Is there something wrong with her" questions. Now, for the record, I am not ugly, in fact, in order to make some extra pocket money, I used to be a part time model, both in Malaysia and Australia. I am not stupid nor do I have a mental problem. I am not gay and no, I wasn't dropped on my head as a child. It's just that I haven't met the Mr Right yet and if I do, I don't know if I want to get married. I don't think about things like that. Try explaining that to a bunch of narrow minded, old fashioned relatives. Who decreed that it is mandatory for a person to get married? It isn't a biological necessity... it is something that was programmed into the people from "that" generation. Given the divorce statistics today, it is no wonder that more people are double thinking the concept of getting married. What's wrong with just living together without that piece of paper? If a couple were meant to be together for the rest of their lives, having that piece of paper won't make a difference in the least. Perhaps I am just saying this because I have am not at the stage whereby I NEED to get married... perhaps I might change my mind somewhere down the line... who knows, stranger things have been known to happen.
I am digressing from my story here... so, that is another reason why I am not looking forward to the weddings... the unwanted questions about my personal love life. Before, it was amusing but now, it is getting rather tedious and annoying. Not being one who is very subtle, I tend to be very straight forward with people. I tend to tell people exactly what I think, which isn't a good thing at times. This does tend to lead to rather awkward moments... right now, I am debating on my angle on fending off these questions for the wedding. Saying that I haven't met the right man just doesn't work and opens the door for more questions and comments i.e. I shouldn't be too fussy, my biological clock is ticking etc. The toss up is between telling those nosy parkers that I am either 1. an out of the closet lesbian or 2. planning on devoting my life to a nameless cult . Suggestions on what other reasons to use would be much appreciated. You can reach me here.
Then of course, there is the food served at these occasions. Chinese banquets are famous to taking ages to complete and the amount of food... pure indulgence. Depending on the restaurant, the food can be quite good but isn't recommended for anyone on a diet... there is a LOT of food... so much so that when the 5th course is being served, one is already full but etiquette requires that you finish the food on your plate (waiters dish out individual portions for each course). For good measure, if per chance one is not full, the 2nd last course of the banquet is either fried rice or some form of fried noodles. This is to fill up any empty, thus unfulfilling space one might have in their stomachs. Well, for the 14th wedding, I can guarantee that there is going to be shark fin soup... coupled with some other form of exotic / expensive and endangered meat. There is probably going to be an abalone for each person in attendance... and probably a WHOLE shark's fin for each and everyone there *sigh*. Whilst I am not a mad cap greenie, I am somewhat of an environmentalist and I do not condone eating shark's fin. What is the point of it? The fin, on its own is tasteless and has no nutritional value whatsoever. I can write a thesis on the cruelty of shark killing but I'll leave that for another story. The parents of the "14th" are rich and have a high social standing in their community... the father, my uncle is somewhat of a celebrity in that he is a well known politician, hence, they are expected to showcase their wealth. I can guarantee that only the most expensive ingredients will be used in the dishes to be served and that nothing will be skimped on and this includes shark's fin. Usually, when they serve shark's fin, I skip that course by refusing a bowl of it. Then, of course, members at my table will question why and then a lengthy debate starts. It's amazing how ignorant some people are... to date, I haven't yet managed to fully convert anyone... which is sad because when the buying stops, the killing does to.
This is getting to be a rather long story thus, I will end here by saying that I don't not enjoy all weddings. I do love attending weddings, weddings of people I have real, close relationships with, like my friends and close relatives (yes, I have a few ), not people I hardly know and am there purely out of obligation. That is hypocracy at work and for these weddings, I am obligated to be a hypocrite as I am there pretending that I care 100% on whether or not the marriages work out or not. In truth, if it does, great, if it doesn't, too bad but life goes on. For these weddings, I doubt that I'll see the parties involved again in the next 10 years or for that matter, ever again. I doubt that they'll remember seeing me as the only time I get to be near them will be when we arrive for the dinner and they are receiving their 10s or even 100s of guests. If I get married, I doubt that they'll be at the wedding for they will certainly be too busy with their young children to make the trip... hey, that's one good way of getting out of family weddings... get married and procreate, then, you'll have a solid excuse !
