A few days ago, I received an email from one of visitors to my website. He is an American living in Malaysia. In response to his email, I offered to share some insights into anything that might be a mystery to him with reference to Malaysian culture. He took up my offer and the following email was the result (posted here with permission from the writer).
There's a trainload of stuff that you could probably help me to decode, but I'll just start with the thing foremost on my mind and something I've been grappling to understand ever since I got here. Relationships. (with females) OK, actually let's not even go that far. Let's just start with "interaction" with females.
I've concluded after numerous social interactions with Malaysian women that their heads are filled with the following ideas:
-- As an axiom to this: If any white guy asks you out on a date, that means he wants to have sex with you
'nuff said. Let's call these just what they are: ignorant stereotypes. That's not to say that they can't be true. But, like all stereotypes they have that de-humanizing effect which you so poignently illustrate on your website in matters pertaining to a woman's social freedoms.
So what gives? How's a foreign guy supposed to get to know any Malaysian women anyway? Keep in mind a couple things about me:
1) While I do have Malaysian friends who can (and have tried) to introduce me to
their friends, most of them are colleagues. I like to keep my work and social
life completely disentangled.
2) Most of the interaction I'm speaking of has taken place mostly in Penang.
3) I have had positive interactions and relationships (friendships, girlfriend)
w/ Malaysian women. (although rare)
4) I find that most of these stereotypes surface when I meet women and I'm
alone. You talk on your website about Asians phobia of doing things by
themselves. I definitely don't have this fear and often enjoy things like
spending time in cafe's, movie theatres, and even night clubs (only very
occasionally) alone. I suspect that I am often percieved as a "freak" because of
this fact, so meeting women in any kind of a natural way in these settings, I've
concluded, is impossible.
I'll end it there.
As I consider myself a student of life, I AM all ears..."
My first reaction when I got that email? I laughed out loud. Why? Ooooh, the irony of it all. You see, I'd started writing a story on this very topic a while back but I decided not to publish it. I was very angry at that time and the tone and manner of that story didn't come off right... so I ditched in. However, in that story of mine, I focused on the female feminist perspective, not once did I take the male perspective into account... hence why I laughed. It was stupid of me to stereotype the interaction between Caucasian males and Malaysian women... life is a two way highway, not a one way street. The reason why I chose to use the term "Caucasian" is well, I think that defining people by colour (e.g. white) is just demeaning, not to mention politically incorrect and the term "Westerner", well, that classification is just so broad and leaves room for geographical misunderstanding (amongst other things).
Now, the story I am about to write is based on MY observations, interpretations and experience and is in no way the perspective of the entire nation. I don't claim to be the Anthony Giddens (a sociologist for those of you who aren't in the know) of Malaysia. What I am about to write is my thoughts and my thoughts alone. As this story as the potential to be one of mammoth proportions, I will break them down to the following chapters. It is hoped that one will read them in order, to get a better understanding of the topic at hand.
Chapter 1: My First Encounter With Racial Distinction
Chapter 2: A Brief Historical Perspective
Chapter 3: Expensive Is Better
Chapter 4: The Media
Chapter 5: Dating A Caucasian
Chapter 6: The Malaysian Female
Chapter 7: The Caucasian Male
Chapter 8: My Reply
Story Index:
Foreword